Looking Back on 2012

I find it so hard to believe that another year has gone by already. But, here we are again. As one year draws to a close and another begins, I am trying to wrap things up with my 12 in 2012 project.  My boys have gone to visit their Grandma & Grandpa for a couple nights and I am using this VERY QUIET time to Reflect, Re-evaluate and Resolve....and then tonight, I plan on dancing my way into 2013 with good music and good friends!

When I set out on this journey a year ago, I never could have imagined how it would all play out.

Running

I DID IT! I ran twelve half marathons in twelve months....and I still LOVE running!

However, I can honestly say that if I hadn't broadcast this goal to anyone and everyone and committed to it publicly, I would not have completed it. Running twelve half marathons was not only harder on my body than I thought, it was also harder to coordinate and justify than I had thought. It seems like a couple hours, one day a month shouldn't be too hard to organize, right? But, my life is just not as reliable as some and I have a busy young family. In year's gone by, when I've had a run plotted out and something else has come up, I have been quick to cancel my plans. However, because I had promised that I would complete these runs and had accepted monetary donations to charity for doing so, I felt that it warranted the extra effort that was required. It was nice because it made me make my goal a priority and I wouldn't have otherwise done that.

I ran 780 miles in 2012! I had set the goal of 931 (the required number to pass from the blue level to the purple level in the Nike Plus training program) and was on my way to well surpassing that when I injured myself. I am happy with 780 and I will give myself another few months to reach the next level.

Being forced to cut back my running (and actually not run at all for several weeks) made me realize, more than ever, how much I rely on it. It keeps my body from becoming sluggish, it helps me sleep at night, it helps me counteract my late night plate of nachos, it makes me be a better parent & wife, it forces me to take time for myself (even if I'm being supervised on the treadmill!), it keeps me happy.....

I run because I am the best version of me when I do.

It has been great to have the chance to repeatedly witness the power of running and the difference it can make. To watch someone start out unsure of themselves and then to push their limits, fight through adversity and progress to a point when they realize what they are capable of, is amazing. When I am at a running event, I feel like I'm in my element. The energy & camaraderie, the training & preparation, the butterflies & nerves. That is where I am most comfortable. I LOVE it!

Many times this year, people have said way to go with the weight loss, but I hate running or I'm not able to run for one reason or another. I think it's important to reiterate that while running is what makes ME happy, it's not for everyone. The point is, whether it's running, pilates, bootcamp, going to the gym, playing a sport, walking, bike riding, swimming.....is irrelevant. What's crucial is that you find what makes YOU happy and keeps YOU active & healthy. Once you find that, you won't feel like your workout is something you HAVE to do. It will be something you look forward to.

I have registered to run my next half marathon on May 5th. I am excited to take the next little while to focus on quality over quantity. I will choose to run shorter, better quality runs and save the high mileage for closer to the half. I believe in doing so, I may finally be able to come close to that coveted two hour finishing time!

The Canadian Cancer Society

I am not normally a fundraising person BUT the decision to try to raise money this year was easy. 

Cancer was something I grew up knowing. My mom worked at the Alan Blair Memorial Cancer Clinic in Regina for most of her nursing career; and more than that, her family has a dominant predisposition to breast cancer. Her mother, her auntie and her grandma all had breast cancer and finally we lost her sister, my Auntie Jean to the disease when she was only 40 years old. Now, as a mom, the thought of leaving my boys early is terrifying.

Then last Fall, my good friend Heather was diagnosed with cancer. She had been fighting a stubborn brain tumour for five years, and just when we thought she'd seen the worst of it, it mutated and spread. There were no treatments available to her, and she passed away January 8, 2012. 

The thing is, although Heather was a unique & special person (and in fact her cancer was a very rare type), stories like hers are not all that uncommon. The prevalence of cancer and its devastating effects, are what made the decision to fundraise for the Canadian Cancer Society so easy. I entered into this with no expectations, but I thought even if I only raised a couple bucks, it would still be more than they would have had otherwise.

I am THRILLED to say that together this year we raised a total of $14,598.00!!! I am very thankful for all of your support & generosity...without it, I'm just a mom who likes to run.

I know that my auntie Jean and Heather would be proud of me.

The morning of each half marathon this year, I put on the necklace that we gave Heather to wear when she was our Maid of Honour. Wearing the simple gold chain with a letter "H" pendant made me feel like she was with me as I made my way through the miles.

I have thought of Heather often throughout the year, but during these last few months I have found myself thinking of her even more frequently. We hauled out the old VCR on our anniversary and watched our wedding video with the boys...and there she was, beautiful and happy. A few days later marked the anniversary of her first surgery (which she always celebrated and made her mom buy her a special present each year!).

Heather LOVED Christmas! So last year while her parents had her out at an appointment, Myles & I helped her brother David decorate the house. She couldn't see it, but they had bought the most fragrant tree they could get so that she would be able to smell it. I couldn't help but think of her as we decorated our house for Christmas this year.

During one of the last visits I had with Heather, the Friday before she passed away, I apologized for having cold hands as I rubbed her sore hip and held her hand while she rested. Of course, she wasn't well at this point, but she was still quick to say to me, "cold hands, warm heart" and she gave me a big Heather smile. I've bought three pairs of new mitts this season because I can't seem to keep my hands warm....so I have thought of her quip often!

It's hard because it's almost been a year since she passed away and I still really miss her.

This year, the Stearns decided to avoid Christmas. They booked a trip to an all-inclusive, they didn't do gifts, they didn't want to decorate, they didn't want the turkey dinner...So, the week before they left for Cuba, Myles and I met Barb for lunch. We have seen each other often this year, but it was so nice to see her then and to know that she was feeling the same way. Together we can talk about Heather and our memories of her and of what she would think of that shirt or those shoes or that guy!!! And it makes us both feel better...like she's not so far away.

Heather's friend Kristen was supposed to have joined us for lunch too...but instead, she went into labour! Ben Vanderkooy was born Dec 10th and Heather would have been ECSTATIC!! It's nice to be able to focus on the freshness of new life; and, boy is he handsome!

When we were together, I asked Barb what her plans were for January 8th. She didn't plan on doing anything out of the ordinary. She said, "I miss Heather everyday. The 8th is really not that much different." But, a couple days ago, I realized that I have a soccer game that night. A year ago, I was supposed to be at a soccer game on the 8th too, only I didn't make it.

When I left for the city just before lunch, I took my equipment with me for my two o'clock game. I had received a text from Heather's sister-in-law Trina that said "you better come". I wasn't sure what to expect when I got to the Stearn's; however, as soon as I walked in the door, it was obvious that I wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. Being with Heather and her family when she passed away that afternoon was an experience unlike any other. I am thankful for that time I had with her. She was still alert enough that I had to be secretive when I contacted my teammate to say I would miss the game....I knew she wouldn't hear of it if she knew! We had a chance to surround her with good memories & love. It was beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time.

So, this year, I am going to play my soccer game and Barb is going to come watch. Although it won't quite be the level of soccer Heather played or that Barb is used to (she has gone back to managing the Huskie women's team), it won't matter. We'll grab a drink in the lounge after and remember and joke about Heather...it's what she would want us to do.

Shortly after our lunch date, Barb sent me this blurb to post on the blog. I am thankful for her kind words:

Heroism is a display of courage and self sacrifice for the greater good.  This is a pretty good description of Janaya’s Herculean task she set for herself this past year.  

Janaya’s determination to run 12 ½ marathons in 12 months to raise money for cancer was a labour of love. Through adversity, injuries, heat and cold, she trained and ran her heart out; as well as raising a lot of money for cancer research.  

Heather would have been proud of her on many levels: she loved fitness, good causes and mostly good friends. 

Janaya, Hugh and I thank you for doing this in memory of our daughter.

love 

Barb

Blogging

I really enjoyed maintaining the blog. Composing the posts reminded me how much I like writing! In university, I got good grades on my papers and I enjoyed working as a research assistant/curriculum developer at my most recent job. However, I hadn't had the chance to do much in the line of "scholarly" anything since I was laid off a year and a half ago. I had missed it and it's been nice to have the chance to re-visit that part of me.

We have discovered a way to print the blog into a book, so that is how I have been approaching it for the last few months. I've been including the parts of this experience that I want to be able to look back on and have my boys read about when they're older.

However, I don't feel like I remained true to my original intention for establishing the blog. Last winter I had drawn out a plan in a spiral notebook (old school pen & paper) for how I wanted the blog to develop. I linked each of the "baby steps" in my past struggle with my weight & fitness with the milestones throughout the current year. Somewhere along the way though, the focus of the posts shifted and centred primarily on my running events of 2012. While I have very much enjoyed sharing this running adventure (and as I said before, I am not sure that I would have been successful with the 12 in 2012 if I hadn't committed to it in public), I had set up the blog as a way to try to "pay it forward". As a way to try to say to anyone who is struggling with weight loss, health & fitness "Hey! I've been there. But, if I can do it, so can you!".

There are two main reasons for this deviation.

Firstly, writing & organizing the blog posts took WAY more time than I had anticipated. I am a busy gal and only have limited time to fit in anything "extra". The amount of training I was completing was using up the majority of this leisure time; and on occasion, I found it difficult to even complete the posts about the running events in a timely manner.

Second, for the first time since the birth of my oldest son in 2006, I have struggled with weight gain this year. During the summer months when my weekly mileage was at its peak, I gained between five and ten pounds. The literature all indicates that this is a common occurrence during marathon training and is a result of the long distance runs & water retention among other things. However, after I injured myself in August and was forced to drastically cut back my mileage & rest, I didn't lose that extra weight. In fact, I gained another five pounds or so. I didn't do a very good job of adjusting my caloric intake to compensate for my decreased activity. My friends were quick to defend me by insisting that I needed to disregard the scale. The reasoning was that the weight gain must be due to an increase in muscle mass from so much activity; but, I began to feel increasingly sluggish. Finally, as I packed to go to Vegas, I couldn't deny it any longer....I bought a jacket to wear with two of my favourite dresses only to discover that they no longer fit!

It felt hypocritical to be reflecting on the "baby steps" that had gotten me to a point that I was no longer at.

Then, I had the chance to talk to a long time friend. She made me realize that these were just a few more baby steps along my journey. I needn't be ashamed. Injuries happen. Grief happens. And we cope as best we know how.

I gave myself permission to finish up my runs and get through the holiday season while working out enough to avoid any additional weight gain. And now, it's time to take control and be done with weight loss once and for all. I've done it before and I'm confident that I can do it again. I am thankful that this time around I am starting out at a point that isn't so far gone. I am still relatively fit and capable of tackling hard workouts and my diet is relatively good too...it just needs a bit of tweaking....okay, maybe A LOT of tweaking! But, at least I know what I'm aiming for.

The Unexpected Things I Learned in 2012

I have learned MANY things this year. The following are just a few that readily come to mind:

• Injuries happen- There's always a lot of talk about injuries and injury prevention in the running magazines and online forums. Until this summer, I never felt like it applied to me....now I can sympathize.
• With a little practice I think I could be an alright public speaker.
• All-season outdoor running in Saskatchewan IS possible- I am extremely thankful that I tackled these runs during a year of good weather! I managed to avoid most foul weather (often times by a few hours!). 
• Running in a warm rain is fun!- My friend Andrea has been telling me this for years, but I've always avoided it. It wasn't until the last portion of my 20 mile run this summer that I was forced to give it a try....and she was right!
• Deep tissue massage is FANTASTIC!
• Burpees are HARD- I know that this is part of the reason the Burpees for Boobies fundraiser was so successful, but I'm seriously tempted to organize "Baking for Boobies" or "Backgammon for Boobies" or "Bachelors for Boobies" or "Badminton for Boobies"next year....There are a lot of other words that start with 'B'!!
• Sometimes all someone needs is to know that you believe in them
• Running a half marathon the morning after a really fun wedding is NOT optimal
• Almost everyone has been impacted by cancer
• My family & friends are fantastic!- This was more of a reaffirmation of something I already knew. But man, the support I received this year was overwhelming! And in some instances, surprising. I am SO thankful for the relationships that this project helped me foster and strengthen. I am also extremely thankful for everyone who helped me coordinate things and take care of my boys so that I could make it to all twelve of these runs and the other functions throughout the year. Thank you.
• My boys are compassionate & thoughtful beyond their years - I am so proud of my boys and the little guys that they are becoming. One of my most favourite things about my husband is the strength of his kind nature and I can see my sons following in his footsteps already.  
• One person can make a difference- I was SO nervous when I hit the "share" button last year, but I've never once regretted it. Although I was anxious, I really felt that I had nothing to lose in undertaking this....and I am so thankful for everything that I've gained in return. I am proud of this project and I feel like I made a difference (at least in a few small ways). 

Now, more than any other time in my life, I feel like I know who I am (and who I am not) and what I stand for and believe in. Being with Heather when she passed away really had a heavy impact on my perspective and all of this running has given me a lot of time for self reflection. I always struggle with feelings of inadequacy- my house isn't clean enough, I don't cook well enough, I should get a job, my clothes aren't fancy enough, I don't spend enough time doing crafts with my kids, I don't call my friends often enough, I forget birthdays.....but I've realized that there is always going to be something I don't have or am not good at or am just not interested in. And, I'm beginning to be okay with that. I'm trying to change the way I look at things. Instead of worrying about the things I'm not good at or don't have, I'm going to focus on and be thankful for my many blessings.

I had a funny moment while we were in Jamaica. We had arrived on the same plane, shared a shuttle and taken the resort tour with two young couples. After having the chance to visit with the one couple, we determined that the father of two of the individuals (a brother & sister) had flown them to Jamaica to surprise his wife for her 50th birthday. As is often the case at an all-inclusive resort, we saw the group many times throughout the week. It's funny because although the "children" were much closer to us in age, it was the parents that I could better relate to. They were such a nice couple and she was so happy to have her children with her on her holiday to celebrate her birthday.

On our last day there, as we got organized for the return shuttle, the Mom was tearful as she said bye to her kids (she was staying an additional week without them). By this time, I was missing my boys and the scenario made me teary. When she was done saying bye to her kids, she came up to me and said, "I just have to tell you that you have the most genuine and warm smile." She said that every time she'd seen us throughout the week she couldn't help but smile and that we were just a great couple. Funny, she was a perfect stranger and I'll probably never get to see her again, but her words have stuck with me. As I thought about what she'd said, I came to realize that THAT is who I am or try my best to be. I may not be a list of other things, but if I can be warm & genuine then I'm happy with that. And, hopefully I will get the chance to celebrate my 50th birthday with my husband & grown boys and their partners and be as happy and thankful as she was.....hopefully in Jamaica!

So, here's to a great year gone by and to everything 2013 has in store!
Cheers!